I was driving on this road to nowhere. I was passing through more than just the places and faces of people I met, oftentimes I get lucky enough to know them, to be with them, be them.
I was born from the country. Small town, big family, rough life. You know the story, short in riches but big in dreams. It was typical.
As for me, I just dreamt of a road trip. I wished for the chance to steer my own life, using my own means, to wherever I intended it to go. I wanted my own life to lead.
Even at an early age, I sensed adventure… a life-long adventure.
I started in life as early as I can get my hands into it. I had seen things and done things that your average kids are not supposed to. At three I taught myself to read, at five I already knew how to hustle. At first grade I already got my first girlfriend. But that, I guess, doesn’t count. Every boy had a girlfriend of some sort even at kindergarten right?
By ten I was already practicing for the real thing until by twelve I finally lost my virginity. Like I said, I was in early, ready for the adventures life has to offer, gearing up for this whole journey.
There came the booze and the smokes, sex, drugs and rock and roll. I foolishly believe then that I was on my prime. Predator, king of the hill, man, moment, machine. Now as I look back, I felt quite real stupid.
I was hitting the pedal to the metal and unmindful if the brake pads even work. Letting loose, burning everything that went my way, living the rock stars creed. Burn and not fade away. Fortunately, I didn’t burn myself enough.
I was driving on this road under the influence. Puberty, high school, college. That was my zero-to-sixty moment. A sudden flash of instant rush, like when you hit the gas and suddenly it accelerates you to an unexpected jolt of testosterone-filled adrenaline surge. Amazing, staggering, exhilarating.
It sure was fun, but then again, I was just lucky to be alive. A dozen or so journeys like these have taught me life lessons the hard way. And so this time, I was traveling real slower, so I won’t hit anything… or anyone.
I’m still driving on this road to nowhere. But right now I feel both paradoxically older and younger than the rest of my contemporaries.
Since I started early in life, it is but natural to feel older. Tell me about it, I’d been there, done that. So the commoner’s idea of an uncommon thing is not so much uncommon to me. And because I started doing things in an age when my body was not yet to fully-formed, now it becomes weak for being exposed to certain life toxins at such a very young age.
Since I rush things into being, I felt lighter and younger too. It’s pretty much like Einstein’s theory of special relativity. That if you travel so fast and closer to the speed of light, when you came back to where you came from, you’d find that those things you left behind have aged tremendously while you yourself hadn’t aged a bit.
Your friends and familiar faces are, quite miserably, gone.
Of the one thing that makes me sad is this… it’s the realization that after I carry on and moved on to other places, when I come back, it won’t be the same. It can never be the same. You can’t start over to where you left off. It just doesn’t work that way.
So now, I must keep driving… on this road to nowhere.