I tried to rearrange things. My fragmented thoughts, unsettled mind, unbalanced life. I still am trying to pick up the pieces. Shattered dreams, hopelessness, and the battle with pessimism.
Honestly, I do not know where to start…
Life itself is overrated. Hyped up and glorified like a wonder drug you often see on commercials. Death on the other hand is way way low. Like talking about it makes one feel such a loser, not worthy of what life has to offer.
The existing norm was to strive, pick up the pace, be more competitive, and get ahead of the pack. That was to be expected. Evolve or die.
It is not, however, a walk in the park. No smooth sailing there. No quick fixes. No fix-your-life-for-dummies kind of book. You can search wikipedia all your life if you wanted to, but you could find no self-help there.
The sad truth is, you could find that the journey through life is much more than bumpy. Once you’re off to a rough start, you will eventually find it more and more complicated than the origin of life itself. Rocket science is way easier.
Enjoy the ride. That is what everybody says. But what about the destination? Are we heading right into oblivion? Can I just merge myself into other dimensions of a parallel universe? Or just like the rest, I just have to keep on surviving. Stick it out with this agonizing miserable human existence.
Perfection is such an impossible feat. The person who invented such a word is such a first grade idealist who is out of touch with reality. For we live in an imperfect world. And striving for perfection, like what I had done my whole life, is like searching for butterflies in the desert.
I was ready for life. I thought it was waiting for me to come, for me to pick up the pace, and lead it to perfection and never-ending bliss. But it was not ready for me.
Now, just like the rest of the pack, I must evolve… or die.