A Quandary of Cosmic Proportion

moon-and-iI don’t wanna think about it. Of what am I doing here…

My reason for being here, and what brought me here. Despite endless hurdles, I took whatever this extraterrestrial journey had to offer. I didn’t know why, I didn’t know how. Backtrack as I wanted to, I am already here, contemplating these quandary of sorts.

My mind is in its agonizing predicament to free itself from this comforting numbness, this deafening silence of empty space, brought about by such self-inflicted scientific but masochistic qualms.

I don’t wanna feel the guilt. Of remembering what became of me….

Predictions made were also meant to be out-ruled, time and again. Tried hard to go beyond metaphysics, more of what I can be. And in the whole process, I lost the old me. My belief of being greater than everybody was just an illusion, living in a parallel personal universe.

Ah, the moon and I grew apart. The distance got more than just physical. We never thought the gravity that kept us locked in place for so long was beginning to fade. Cosmic forces and all, it was eventually falling apart as our own sets of masses grew along.

We dared to go to the frontiers of space, more than just the confines of the Milky Way, not knowing we needed less. We wanted to conquer the edges of the universe, not conscious that we were betting everything on it, about to lose whatever little space we’ve got.

I don’t wanna feel the pain. Of remembering how it used to be…

Yes, we don’t have much but we don’t need much. We were dumb and simple beings, the earth and the moon, but life in this endless universe is what we wanted it to be. Our cyclical tides and molten core were like one. One was half and two was whole. Or what it once was.

In the midst of the never-ending display of thermo-nuclear reactions around us, here I found peace, in my own little small blue dot of a space. Indeed, in the bleakest of times, the moon provided hope for a brighter day ahead.

We just wanted a cosmic dream, the moon and I. To try to gain enough force to pull other little exo-planets into our own orbit, until they were ripe enough to create enough masses of their own. But as we try to reach for that dream, something, something worth more than just a silly thing died.

Now I had come to my own event horizon. What were left were moon scars and traces of cosmic dusts, and the aching sting of a broken celestial vow. And right now I just don’t wanna feel…

Anything.

In Search of the Arab Trees
Heaven and Hell and in Between
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17 Comments

  1. Ang galing-bravo. You could write for the book. I will wait for your contribution. Thanks for the intention. Good luck.

  2. BURAOT (Author)

    ows? thanks jenna. i’ll try to come up with something.

  3. clementine

    ang lalim! di ko maarok??

  4. oks lng yan tol… hug na lng kita (power hug!!!.. hehehe parang si sarah geronimo)

    lam mo tol, ngayon ko naisip, baka swerte din ako na indi ako nakapag abroad… kasi kasama ko pa din pamilya ko… at cguro masasabi kong, i turned out to be a stronger person sa pagkabigo kong makuha yung dream kong makarating sa lugar mo… although minsan di mo maiwasang balikan yun, manghinayang at malungkot.

    kung sakali mang “naiba” ka na nga ng mundong kinalalagyan mo ngayon.. i am sure meron din namang positive effect yung changes na yun sa iyo. saka tol, di pa siguro “patay” yun… humina lng ang baga, paypayan mo at aapoy ulit yan…

    eh tol, since alam mo ng malapit ng mawalan ng sindi or wala na ngang sindi, di ba dapat magsimula ka ng magpaypay? or kumuha ng posporo para masindihan ulit? or pag ayaw pa rin buhusan mo ng gasolina?

    all i am saying kapatid, may magagawa ka pa 🙂 lalo yan alam mo na yung “problema”… habang may hininga, may buhay.. habang may buhay, may pag asa… (syet! ako ba ito kuya? si emoterang reyapot? dapat ata sa sarili ko to sabihin bwhehehe…) anyway… pabasa mo kaya itong post mo na ito sa “moon” mo? baka sakali, eto ang mag bukas ng apoy ulit 😉

    reyapot’s last blog post..ReYaPoT Signing Off

  5. BURAOT (Author)

    clementine, di naman masyadow. heheheh.
    reyapots, galing mo tol. but it’s a little more complicated than that kase. hayyyy buhey.

  6. Hi. Your blog won the Filipino Blog of the Week award (week 150). You may now claim your badge.
    Congrats.

    talksmart’s last blog post..NASA Art Contest 2009

  7. BURAOT (Author)

    hey talksmart. thanks. i will.

  8. huwaw! kuya! winner ka pala! congrats ha.. filipino blog of the week! hanef!

    klap! klap! klap!

    reyapot’s last blog post..Emoterang ‘Di Matulog

  9. complicated talaga ang lyf, kasi kung di sya complicated, di na sya lyf, kasi “walang buhay”, whehehe… joke yun.. pero parang it make sense (???)

    eh kung sakali man na feel mo na ayaw mo na mag isip kasi pagod ka na at gusto mong maging manhid-manhidan eh pray ka lng kafatid…

    power hug! (ulit) whehehee..

    reyapot’s last blog post..My Pair Of Little Lady Bugs

  10. BURAOT (Author)

    hi reyapost, yep, winner daw, kinabit ko na nga yung badge. heheeh. pasyal ka sa site nya, araw-araw me botohan.

    honga, ang buhay parang life.

  11. sri

    Hi Friend.. Interesting post.. Nice blog.. Keep up the good work.. Do visit my blog and post your comments.. Take care mate.. Cheers!!!

  12. BURAOT (Author)

    thanks sri, i will.

  13. Great story. Congrats on blog of the week too!

    I don’t know how to contact you..but there are a bunch of invalid clicks (2 alone in #1) you just said to contact you if we found them 😉

    Also how do we sign up to get our sites here? I love that you do this!!!

    Jennifer’s last blog post..A Monday Funny!

  14. BURAOT (Author)

    thanks jen. i’ll work on it. to have your site included, just put my reciprocal link badge, and i’ll add the site.

    your site is already included.

    cheers!

  15. I have it up! Your site is such a time saver! Love it!!!

  16. BURAOT (Author)

    thanks jen. this site is still new, but this weekend alone, i had a bunch of links coming in, so i had to constantly update the batch links.

    but again, the top of the chain (batches) goes by a first link, first serve basis. so yours would stay on the upper batches.

    thanks again!

  17. clementine

    you cannot have both…you have to give up one thing for another.whatever it is, whatever makes you happy, go for it. If you’re happy where you are right now, you don’t have to feel the pain, it’s just the GUILT, but if it’s PAIN, maybe you don’t need to be where you are?!?..

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