It used to be so simple. I always dreamed of a life that is devoid of all complexities.
Having a very colorful but complicated life as a young adult, I have had more experiences than the average dude that I think those would be more than enough to reminisce about when and if I decided to settle down.
Too many relationships, none serious. Too many parties, not enough nights. Too much alcohol, so little common sense. It was too fast, too little time kind of way. The kind of sex-drugs-and-rock-and-roll type of life.
So it was hard to picture my settled down life quite differently from my life as a bachelor in a big city.
I never planned on settling down. At least not until I reach forty. But I was hoping that when I do, I would like it to be the end of all the intricacies of my previous lives. Unlike the famous rock stars who would have wanted to burn out than fade away, I prefer to fade away from the limelight and stay out of the radar, keep myself low key until my time to face my own angel of death.
Drop off the kids to school, practice my culinary skills, read a good book, maybe a few hours at the garden, and maybe think of the old days. Laid back, simple, relaxing, stress-free.
But like almost everything, as far as I am concerned, it came in early. Life came at me fast. Still in college, I had a daughter. And it changed everything. And it was good. I never anticipated it, but it was rather good. The first few years were hard but nevertheless fulfilling. And simple. That was what I wanted. Then came two more kids who were Godsend.
But as it is, as most parents would, I worry endlessly about the future. I would have preferred to stay with my kids. But I had to go away. For their own good. At least that was my justification for working overseas. But there is a big downside… they get to grow up without me.
Yes they have their own cell phones, their PSP’s and other new gizmos. But no dad to help them with homework, no dad to pick them up from school, no dad to defend them from bullies, no dad to accompany them on school affairs. I know they are missing their dad, as I am constantly missing them, thinking about them.
Now I kept on wondering if I made the right decision. Ahhh…. I wish it could be that simple. But it always never is, always never was… and I guess it never will be.
Simplicity as we know it, is simply much more than I can afford.