My Girl

my girlAfter two years in absentia, I finally saw her again.  But not without a little regret.

It was a sunny afternoon the day I arrived. The first step that I took off that old bus and on to the dirt road in front of our country house made my impulses beat unusually faster. The excitement and the anticipation that I felt made that day somehow more humid.

There was our main gate, with its same old dark green paint now chipped and almost rusty.

Directly behind it I saw a familiar face.

Inside the main house were the marble floors, still as shiny as I had last seen it. As soon as I have settled my duffel bags, I came to face her. I gently hugged her but she hesitantly kissed me on the cheeks and carefully avoided my lips.

I could not blame her, I wasn’t around that much. The phone calls simply wouldn’t make up for the fact that I wasn’t there when she needed me. I was just relying on the hope that the special bond that we had would never fade, even for a moment.

We didn’t talk that much at first. I was just trying to catch her gaze and so was she. I guess we were both trying to figure out each other’s thoughts and making sense of what we feel. In our minds we were both trying to straighten out everything that had happened before and after I left so we could probably share new and recent experiences and do a little catching up.

All these years, I can still remember clearly the moment I first laid eyes on her.

After all I have gone through, all the pain, all the confusion, hatred, self-destruction, and chaos of my pathetic miserable existence, she came. Like an angel sent from above, she came. She was just an angel. When the light s coming from her pink little cheeks shone on my rugged unshaven face I felt lighter.

At that time, I just dropped off from school, I had no job, and was broke, but when I saw her I felt optimistic. I felt a sense of peace that a new chapter in my life is about to be written. And on its pages I could find nothing but a clean slate. Now it can have new and meaningful entries that can only be made by me.

Her coming into my life eases out everything that was locked-up from inside me. Like waters pouring smoothly from a waterfall, she washes whatever filth I felt I have in me.

I knew she was a gift from the heavens. The same heavens that I so despised and distanced myself away from. The same entity that I denied and dismissed simply as a selfish and arrogant prude who was only created by ignorant uneducated fools. I didn’t ask for a it, but still, He gave me a present. And it was the most precious.

Now here I am, as awkwardly as I feel, trying to come up with something nice to say and very hopefully, to start a conversation. Luckily, the shyness on her part eases away. Just like what they said, as soon as the dams broke, the floods came. Soon enough she was telling me everything. All that I missed, all the things she had done, the house, her school, her new friends. With that kindling glow in her eyes, she reminisces all the things that we have shared before I decidedly left.

And we’re buddies once again. I am in such a bliss.

Still, amidst all the joy and the laughter, I can feel a twisting pain in my belly. I know that these would not last long enough. Pretty soon I will have to come back to where I came from. And I will be absent from her everyday life again.

I know someday, a time will come when she will find another man to tell her stories, to share her laughter, to fill her life. I would probably be sad to see it happen, but I know it’s going to happen soon enough. It is going to happen and I  just can’t do anything about it.

I just pray that she  finds the right man worthy enough of her love. That time might not be so long after all. In four more years she would be eighteen. Just thinking about her asking me, “Papa, I’m getting married,” already breaks my heart.

And she, my girl, and my only daughter, would probably refrain from kissing me for good.

The Simple Life
The Curse of the Winter Mist
,

49 Comments

  1. Aww sweet dad.

    Roxy’s last blog post..Rehab

  2. Buraot, I can so relate. Hahaha, but my case may be worse because I left even before she was born and I only met her weeks after her birth. Then I was far away again.

    And when I thought we’ll be finally together forever, something happen which forced us to take her away from me again. kakalungkot lang, not that a car is capable of being lonely. hahaha

    Asa ‘pinas ka pala, pre.

    kotsengkuba’s last blog post..Sorry that you don’t know me. I’m sorry for you.

  3. kuya level up tagala speaking in Dollar ka na ngayon hehhehe. I miss your old blog teka meron pa ba or ito nalang?

    klitorika’s last blog post..Bago

  4. BURAOT (Author)

    @roxy: lahat naman ng tatay sweet sa unica hija nila. heheheh.

    @kk: dito pa ko. yan lang yung scene namin nung last uwi ko. hirap ng malayo sa anak no?

    @klit: balak ko pagsamahin na lang lahat dito, pwera yung style ni kulapo. hirap kasi mag maintain ng maraming blogs. heheheh.

  5. i so love this post…
    teary eyes ako while reading, lalo dun sa last part…
    “Papa, i’m getting married”…
    haaayyyzz. 😉

  6. tumulo naman uhog ko! Dude I have no clue how you guys are able to do it. The weekends that my son is away from me pushes me to the edge. The longest he was apart from me was when I took him to the Philippines for summer vacation. I was calling him every other day! I was really miserable. To you I bow!

  7. BURAOT (Author)

    @lovely: actually ako din nung sinusulat ko yan, medyo naiiyak na ko. hehehh.

    @finkbiik: hirap maging parent no?

  8. dru

    oh nose…

    just passing by…take care

  9. ang sweet nmn ng post mo..medio nkakaiyak pa..

    jaja’s last blog post..WLANG PERA?

  10. BURAOT (Author)

    @dru: thanks for dropping by…

    @jaja: te-maarts talaga ako eh. hehehe.

  11. hello..nice post, napaka emotional..hehe ^^

  12. BURAOT (Author)

    thanks wren…

  13. awwwww….lucky girl to have a dad like you…i can feel the love in every word. hehe.:)

    edelweiza’s last blog post..Done with Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight Series

  14. BURAOT (Author)

    thanks edelweiza. lahat naman ng tatay ganyan sa mga anak.

  15. ang hirap talaga ng malayo sa anak pero kung iisipin na para sa kanila ang sakripisyo ay nakakapagpalakas ng loob…

    hay ilang taon na lang din at may binata na ako!

    p0kw4ng’s last blog post..Hamburg,Hauptbahnhof

  16. BURAOT (Author)

    pokwang, hirap talaga ng buhay, dami magulang ang kahit ayaw mawalay sa mga anak, nagsasakripisyo para sa future nila.

  17. Aww.. tumaas buhok ko, hehe! I feel awkward when my father comes home from abroad. We were like buddies too, even through letters. I have a brother and a sister, and the youngest is me. My father and I got closer when I got pregnant. He’s been my adviser, confidante, ever since and when I became a parent, he meant more to me.

    Me and my boyfriend have a little girl and I know she’ll be daddy’s girl someday. ^^v

  18. BURAOT (Author)

    fhedz.. i think the father-daughter relationship is, at least for me, is one of the best ever. actually mas masarap ang magkaanak ng babae kasi malambing sila talaga, as compared sa mga lalaki. hehhe. lumalabas ang biases ko eh no. hehehehe.

  19. yup. I think so too. My brother is close to my Mom. My sister is the “blacksheep” so wala syang favorite hehe.

    May nabasa din ako na ang mga babae unconsciously ang napipili nilang “future partner” is somehow similar to their dads and in boys, vice versa. I realized that when I usually comment on my boyfriend, “you’re like my dad”.

    Sana nga, anak ko rin ung good points ng dad nya ang hanapin nya sa mga makikilala nyang guys in the future.

  20. BURAOT (Author)

    ganun nga daw. unconsciously, yung mga lalake, kamukha or may similarities sa nanay nila yung napipili nila. ganun din yung mga babae, parang tatay din nila yung nakukuha nila.

    weird but in a good way.

  21. Not so long ago I discovered your website and have been reading along steadily. I felt I could write my first comment. I dont know what to write but that Ive really enjoyed reading. Interesting blog. I will continue coming back to this website now and again. I have also taken your rss feed to get any updates.

  22. BURAOT (Author)

    thanks Matthew.

  23. hi! i just added your widget. hindi ko alam paano kayo inform eh.. pwede ba dito na lang..

    Salamat!

  24. BURAOT (Author)

    hi January, i added your site on Batch#30. the site is now full. i will do my maintenance check this week, if it turns out some sites are not active, i’ll move it up on the list. thanks!

  25. hi Buraot, ayan na nkakaiyak.. huhu.. I missed my papa-lo, he’s my father in heart though he’s not my biological father, he’s my confidante kasi.. sad to say, wla na xa.. I hope he can see this.. 🙂 By the way, I hope within the 30 boxes ako, huhu, andun kasi ako sa 37.. thanks for this story and God bless! napaka-sweet nmn.. hugs..

  26. BURAOT (Author)

    Cacai, ako din naiiyak nung sinusulat ko. hehhehe. anyway, i will try to bring up your site kapag nag update ako.

  27. I so love this post! I included it in my review of this site for Pehpot’s and Kaye’s blogversary contest. Here’s my post: http://www.pensivethoughts.com/2010/02/i-am-buraot-review.html
    .-= Tetcha´s last blog ..I Am Buraot: A Review =-.

  28. BURAOT (Author)

    thank you for the review Techa. will drop there soon. thanks!

  29. very sweet indeed.. how i wish my Tatay could blog too.. hahaha
    please read my review about this blog : http://luckyzoan.blogspot.com/2010/02/i-am-buraot-review.html

  30. BURAOT (Author)

    thanks zoan. will check on it.
    .-= BURAOT´s last blog ..The Forty-Sixth List =-.

  31. i hope maganda ang pgkakagawa 😀 kasi bago lang ako ng rereview 😀 hahhaha

  32. BURAOT (Author)

    oks na oks lang zoan. tenkyu sa pagsali.

  33. welcome 😀 char ako pa talaga ang ng welcome at ikaw ang ngpasalamat 🙂 salamat sa pakontest na yun marami akong nakikila dito at marami akong natututunan 🙂

  34. BURAOT (Author)

    hehehe. welcome sa yo. pinupupog mo ng comments ang site ko. tenkyu. hirap lang habulin. heheheh.

  35. ahahahah aba para lang halik ah, pinupopug 😀 ahahah sa kabila nga hindi ka na ngreply 😀 bwahahaha

  36. BURAOT (Author)

    wehehe. di ko pa lang nahaharap. tambak ka kasi mag comment, hirap habulin. wahahahah!

  37. hate u na koya.. pinaiyak mo ko ng sobra. pauwe na nga ako.. sick ang aking bebe girl..

    husband should read this.. naku mkakarelate un ng sobra!!

    you are one loving dad.. swerte ni anakis mo… tiningnan ko ang date ng psot mo.. she is 15 now? tama ba??hihihih hayz. siguro nman after 10 yrs ok na marinig mong ppakasal na sya.. post her wedding pix ha! 🙂
    .-= niko´s last blog ..BC Bloggers Round 2 =-.

  38. mahirap pa habulin?aba hindi ako tumatakbo buraot.. nglalakad ang ako 😀
    .-= zoan´s last blog ..Home Buddies Review =-.

  39. rhea delgado-odis

    ang ganda ng post na ito..am now a fan of your blogs…i started reading when you posted that you are about to publish your book…..kudos to you buraot!

  40. BURAOT (Author)

    thank you po. weheheh. after ng bakasyon, umpisahan ko na.

  41. Amanda

    I have added the code to my website, please add me to the batches.

    http://www.twin-talk.com

  42. BURAOT (Author)

    hi Amanda, I have your site on batch 36. thanks!

  43. abu

    scares me too pare.. the time my unica hija will say the dreaded words “I’m getting married”.. ewan ko ba kung bakit ganun?! the thought of the time when i will be giving away my only daughter…TAKNAY DANA!

    to everyone out there.. here’s the proof that buraot is not a steel hearted person!

    good one pare…. ingat lagi!

  44. BURAOT (Author)

    abu, what’s more dreadful probably is the idea that we as dads will have to cover the marriage costs. wahahahha!

  45. bambie

    astig ka tlga kuya,,sarap mong maging papa,,,iyak dn ako d2 ha!sa nabasa ko sa kbila c madr naalala ko d2 naman c fadir,,,sana nga lng kht paano ganyan dn c daddy lyk u,,ndi pinapabayaan ang anak kht na malau…………………………………………………….

  46. BURAOT (Author)

    bambina, wag ka magsenti jan. heheheh.

  47. Sylvette G. Sabaupan

    ganda po, if that is the feeling of a papa, more so with a mama…oo nga, we need to change if that time comes, parang hindi kaya ng dibdib…,

Trackbacks for this post

Leave a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Thanks for downloading!

Top